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PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY 

15 CENTS EACH 

p 

CRANFORD DAMES. 2 Scenes; li^ hours 8 

GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. 1 Act; 30 minutes 7 

CHEERFUL. COMPANION. 1 Act; 25 minutes 2 

LESSON INELEGANCE. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 

MAIDENS ALL. FORLORN. 3 Acts; l^ hours 6 

MURDER WILL OUT. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

ROMANCE OF PHYLLIS. 3Acts; 1^ nours 4 

SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 1 Act; 45 minutes 5 

OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 

WHITE DOVE OF ONEIDA. 2 Acts; 45 minutes p 4 

SWEET FAMILY. 1 Act; Ihour 8 

BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. 1 Act; 2 hours 30 

PRINCESS KIKU. (85 cents) 13 

RAINBOW KIMONA. (35 cents.) 2 Acts; li^ hours 9 

MERPlT OLD MAIDS. (35 cents.) Motion Song 11 

PLAYS FOR MALE CHARACTERS ONLY 

J5 CENTS EACH 

H 

APRIL FOOLS. 1 Act; 80 minutes 8 

BYRD AND HURD. 1 Act; 40 minutes 6 

DARKEY WOOD DEALER. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 

WANTED, A MAHATMA. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 

HOLY TERROR. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 

MANAGER'S TRIALS. 1 Act; Ihour 9 

MEDICA. 1 Act; 35 minutes 7. 

NIGGER NIGHT SCHOOL. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

SLIM JIM AND THE HOODOO. 1 Act; 30 minutes 5 

WANTED. A CONFIDENTIAL CLERK. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY. 1 Act; 1 hour 12 

PICKLES AND TICKLES. 1 Act; 20 minutes 6 

HARVEST STORM. 1 Act; 40minutes 10 

CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mock Trial; 2hours.... 28 

DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. Mock Trial. 22 

GREAT LIBEL CASE. Mock Trial; 1 Scene; 2 hours 21 

RIDING THE GOAT. Burlesque Initiation; 1 Scene; li^ hours 24 

DICK & FITZGERALD. Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



MORE GET BACKS 



By D. B. HICKS 



Copyright 1915 by Dick & Fitzgerald 



«» 



NEW YORK 
DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 Ann Street 



^^^^•^ 



AUS 



«3 



1915 



)CI.D 41406 



MORE GET BACKS. 



SCENE : — A simple interior, or a street scene, 

ENTER from opposite sides of stage two Comedians, one quite 
smartly dressed. 

John. I*ve seen you somewhere. 

Pete. Sure, I go there very often. 

John. My, you are finely dressed ! How much did that suit 
cost? 

Pete. I don't know. 

John. How's that? 

Pete. The tailor wasn't in when I got it. Tell me, why do 
you rush around so? 

John. I'm trying to get something for my wife. 

Pete. Had any offers? Say, what kind of a wife do you 
advise me to get? 

John. Oh, get a single girl and let the wives alone. By the 
way, my wife has just received a letter from Atlantic City say- 
ing the climate disagrees with my mother-in-law. 

Pete. Does it? Well, it's the most courageous thing I ever 
saw. 

John. I think my mother-in-law intends leaving us a good 
deal when she dies. 

Pete. That's bully — but say, wouldn't it be awful jolly if 
she would leave you now and then while she is living? Say, 
what became of that girl who got $10,000 out of you in that 
breach of promise suit? 

John. I married her. 

3 



4 More Get Backs. 

PteTE. How did you come to do that? 

John. I wanted to get my money back. 

Pete. Did you know the missionaries of China are sending 
out appeals for wives? 

John. Is that so? Well, they can have mine. 

Pete. What would life be without marriage? 

John. For me it would be a long, long joy ride with a road- 
house at every corner. 

Pete. Do you know how to be safe from a breach of prom- 
ise suit? 

John. No. How? 

Pete. Never give a woman anything she can't eat. 

John. The day I got married I got an awful fright — I've 
got her yet. (Pause) She is never silent. 

Pete. Does she talk in her sleep? 

John. Worse — she snores. When I proposed to her she 
asked for a little time to make up her mind. 

Pete. Oh! so she makes that up, too, does she? Well, life 
is one fool thing after another. 

John. Yes, but married life is two fool things after each 
other. 

Pete. Say, I'm in a quandary. 

John. Why, what's the matter? 

Pete. I want to know what a man must be to be buried with 
military honors. 

John (thinJcing). He must be a captain. 

Pete. Then I lost my bet. 

John. What did you bet? 

Pete. I bet he must be dead. 

John. Rats ! Did you know I was a bit of a military man 
myself? I am a General. 

Pete. You don't say so. 

John. Yes, yes, I've been in war three times. The late 
Spanish and twice married. 

Pete. Say, you are somewhat of a composer. 

John. Yes. 



More Get Backs. 5 

Pete. What did you do with that dead march you com- 
posed? 

John. Took it to Philadelphia and sold it for a quick-step. 

Pete. My! Do they dance in Philadelphia? 

John. Yes, they have a new one there, the Salvation Army 
glide. 

Pete. How do they dance that? 

John. On their heels, to save their soles. 

Pete. Do you remember Mary Jane? Well, that woman 
can't tell a thing without exaggerating. 

John. Did you ever ask her her age? 

Pete. A young man telegraphed me to-day that he has just 
married my daughter. 

John. I hope he's a good business man. 

Pete. I guess he is. He sent the message ** collect." 

John. That's one on you. 

Pete. You know Jones— ^well, he is the only man guaranteed 
against trouble with the Labor Unions. 

John. How is that? 

Pete. Because last week he had ten carriages at his funeral. 
He died a multimillionaire, but he can't take his money with 
him. 

John. Well, that's a great source of comfort to the lawyers. 

Pete. I went to the doctor to-day, told him I was suffering 
from a loss of memory. 

John. What did he do? 

Pete. Made me pay in advance. 

John. Well, I think the old saying is correct — "Love all 
men and do right." 

Pete. Yes, but I think it is better to love all women, but 
don't write. What is marriage? 

John. Marriage is an institution for the blind, 

Pete. Why do some people never marry? 

John. Because they do not believe in divorce. 

Pete. When a man thinks seriously of marriage, what hap- 
pens? 



6 More Get Backs. 

John. He remains single. 

Pete. When a man says he can manage his wife, what does 
he mean? 

John. He means that he can make her do anything she 
wants to do. 

Pete. Should a man propose to a girl on his knees? 

John. If he does not she should get off. 

Pete. Is it possible for a married man to be a fool without 
knowing it? 

John. Not if his wife is alive. 

Pete. Well, take my advice and don't run off with more 
than you can marry. 

John. Now don't fret about what has never happened, like 
"Educated Susan" did. (Both, down stage sing) 

EDUCATED SUSAN. 

Original music for this song will be furnished by the pub- 
lishers. Price 30 cents. 

Pete. Miss Susan Brown of Boston town 

She was a learned wight. 
John. So much she knew it made her blue 

And spoiled her appetite. 
Pete. By sundry looks in sundry books 

She said: this fact appears— 
John. The earth will fall into the sun 

In just a million years. 
Pete. And then she blinked behind her specs 

And sobbed in her distress. 
John. Said she : Oh, gee ! It's plain to me 

We're in an awful mess. 

Both. Susan, Susan, highly educated Susan, 

You are most amusin' in your funny little way. 

But while you fret and sorrow 
O'er troubles of to-morrow, 

What about the troubles of to-day? 



More Get Backs. 

Pete. We asked her this : Can you tell, Miss, 

(We'd thank you for the feat) 
John. If ever in the trolley cars 

Some day we'll get a seat? 
Pete. And if we go and put our dough 

In bank with anxious care, 
John. And wish to take it out again, 

Oh, will we find it there? 
Pete. And then she blinked behind her specs 

And struck a thoughtful pose — 
John* Said she : Oh, gee ! Don't ask of me— 

What only heaven knows ! 

Both. Susan, Susan, etc. 



[(At end of the song Pete and John give a Uvely dance. John 
dancing off through door e., Pete through door l.) 



Mock Trials, Initiations and Monologues 

MAN PROPOSES, BUT WOMAN DISPOSES, ts cent*. 

A sprightly and emotional Monologue by Lawrence D. Fogg, in which a young lady, 
on her birthday, endeavors by the guidance of letters and gifts from her numerous 
admirers, to decide on one of them for a husband. Her criticisms are witty and 
amusing, but she fails to make any selection. Why ?— Because. 

CONFESSIONS OF A MALE FLIRT, is cents, a monologue, 

by Lawrence D. Fogg, in which a bachelor, on the eve of his wedding, while burn- 
ing his love correspondence, recalls to mind some of the girls with whom he has been 
in love, with his hopes, his successes, and his disappointments. A strange medley of 
humor and heart-burnings, ending with a pathetic climax. Note — At the end, while 
the performer's head is buried in his hands, a^ procession may pass slowly by, repre- 
senting the girls he has been describing; similar in effect to the scenes in tht 
** Reveries of a Bachelor." 

SHOW AT WILKIN'S HALL, The. 15 cents, a comedy costume 
monologue for a lady, or gentleman in female costume, by Bertha M. Wilson. A 
" Take-Off " on Delsarteans fn 2 scenes* the second can be given without the first, 
being complete in itself. A sure hit. 

WAKE AT O'GRADY^ The. 15 cents. By William Sidney 
HiLLYER. A monologue for an Irish character comedian. Runs 15 minutes. Besides 
the** wake," Mr. Du^an tells all about the christening at McGuire's. Especially 
recommended. 

CRUSHED TRAGEDIAN, A. 15 cents. By William Sidney 
HiLLYER. A character monologue for male comedian. Depicts the reminiscences 
and tribulations of "the palmy days" by one of " the old school." Runs about xs 
minutes. Especially recommended. 

MATRIMONY— BEFORE AND AFTER. 25 cents, a humor- 

ou« monologue, describing in a series of funny stories and sly deductions from facts 
more or less authentic, the hopes and delusions of the maudlin stages of love and 
courtship, and the awakening realities as viewed from the final standpoint of matri- 
mony. It keeps an audience in broad grins and explosive laughter for about 20 minutes. 

GREAT LIBEL CASE, The. 15 cents. A new mock trial, by Harry 
E. Shelland. 21 males. 8 leading characters and 13 jurymen (i excused). A roaring 
travesty of proceedings in court in the backwoods of Kentucky. The war experiences 
of the defendant, a bogus colonel, and the personalities of a jury of mixed nationalities 
and occupations, make this trial a screaming farce. It plays a whole evening. 

CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI CONEYISKEY, The. 

(An Anarchist.) 15 cents. A new Mock Trial, by Harry E. Shelland. 27 male, 
I female (usually played by a male) characters. The latest and most amusing 
mock trial published. Good Tramp, French, German, Irish, Negro and Jew parts. 
Plays a whole evening. 

RUGGLES vs. THE PADERWHISKIE SCHOOL, is cents. 

A m.^ck trial, by Charles J. Martin. Arranged for 18 male and 14 female characters 
or more as circumstances require ; the female characters are usually performed by 
males. This mock trial will keep the audience laughing every moment ; the action is 
rapid and replete with irresistible drolleries.^ Ru^glts brings suit against the Pader- 
whiskie School for damages caused by the insufferable noise, vocal and instrumental, 
by which his rest is destroyed. Examples are performed to enable the jury to 
appreciate their excellence, giving opportunities for the introduction of specialties. 
Can be played a whole evening. 

RIDING THE GOAT. 15 cents, a burlesque initiation In a lodge of 
the ** Sovereign Union of the Emancipated Husbands," by O. E. Young. 12 male 
characters, also the wives of all of them (performed by males), and 2 attendant imps; 
associate members and their wives, ad HBitutn. Time, ij^ hours. The cast includes 
a Dutchman, an Irishman, a Yankee and a Darkey^ T'he proceedings arc inteesely 
funny with a roaring climax. Just the thine for » cliib wK*^'? a lai:|;e cast is desired. 



MILITARY PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

M. P. 

BT THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 30 4 

EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 10 4 

PRISONER OF ANDERSONVILL.E. 4 Acts; S^liours.. 10 4 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1}^ hours 9 6 

ISABEL., THE PEARL OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 3 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 3 

BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 214 hours 9 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3Act8; 2^ hours 8 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2}4 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 3Acts;2hours 6 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 5 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3Act8;2hours 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1 hour... 6 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; li^ hours 19 15 

JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; 1^ hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes o.. 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; li^ hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN WALL. (15 cents) 11 8 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



-»ixni\ I ur k^UNUKbbb 



;SS^ 




017 400 583 7 i 
DRAiYIAD 



COMEDIES AND 

25 CENTS EACH 

M. P. 

BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4Acts;2hours 6 3 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2^^ hours 11 6 

COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 3 

COUNT OP NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2^^ hours 9 4 

DEACON. 5 Acts; 2}4 hours. 8 6 

DELEGATES FROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 10 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 5 

E ASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 4 

ESCAPED EROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2^^ hours 5 3 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours 5 3 

IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; IJ^ hours 4 6 

JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 21^ hours 6 3 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Acts;2hours 7 4 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4Act8; 21^hours 9 6 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours 13 4 

NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours 5 4 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3 Acts; 2 hours.. 4 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3 Acts; 2 hours 5 3 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 6 4 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 5 3 

WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 7 4 

WHITE LIE. 4Act8; 2i^hoiirs 4 3 



WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4Acts; 2hours 8 3 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 2^4 hours... « 11 3 

RED ROSETTE. 3Acts;2hours 6 3 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2;^ hours.... 5 3 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 

CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2^ hours. 9 3 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



